Throwback Thursday #7: Rejected

Throwback Thursdays feature relevant posts (of about 20) from a private, online journal I kept last fall. They chronicle my time during a depressive episode, which led to another round of  ECT. You’ll read firsthand what that was like for me. The entries are slightly edited for clarity, and with regard to anonymity.


8287500503_7709e49e64_nRejected – October 29, 2016

Yesterday I had my assessment interview for the DBT program. That didn’t go so well. I thought for sure they’d accept me, but I was REJECTED!!! Who’d have thought that you could be rejected from a partial hospitalization program (PHP)??? Well, I was, so the therapist I met with didn’t even go through the full assessment with me.

Part of the reason is because I can’t start immediately because of ECT. But even if I wasn’t going through ECT, apparently I’m not functional enough: you have to shower daily (self-care) because “it isn’t fair” to the other patients. Ok, I totally get that. She also thinks I need something more comprehensive, not a program that only lasts 2-3 weeks (I thought their program went for 6 weeks; it used to). So she recommended that I go to a particular community mental health center. They’re usually free and provide pretty much the same services as a PHP.

She thinks it would be good for me because it’s open-ended — I can continue going long-term, even for years. I’d have my own therapist there, and a case manager. It sounds a lot like the place I went to when my husband lost his job many years ago, and we didn’t have insurance. And it was like being in PHP, but not as strict. You could come and go as you pleased.

Anyway, I can get to the one she recommended via public transportation, so I wouldn’t have to drive, but hopefully by the time I start going (if I’m accepted haha) I’ll be driving again.

So, yeah. I almost cried in her office, but I’m glad I didn’t. She was a real hard-ass and didn’t pull any punches. She did say that after the ECTs, I may be in a better place and we could revisit my joining the DBT program.

Last thing: my weight has been steadily rising. I know I’ve been eating a lot more sweets than normal, but I also hope it’s from PMS.


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