Yoga & My Anxiety

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A few years back, I went to an intro yoga class that was held once a week for 4 weeks. Because of my anxiety, I couldn’t believe that I actually went to all of the classes! But when it came to going to an actual, non-intro class, I went to maybe 3. At first, it was great — I felt so relaxed afterwards, and it relieved my anxiety. Then I developed anxiety about going to class, period, which I find ironic.

I was convinced that everyone else, particularly the more experienced attendees, were all staring at me and making fun of my unfashionable yoga clothes. (I wore gym shorts and a t-shirt instead of leggings and a sports bra.) In my mind, they were laughing because I couldn’t do the damn tree pose (see pic). I knew this was all in my head, but it seemed so real, especially because I got the impression that some of the students were cliquey.

There’s an app called Yoga Studio that I tried, but there isn’t enough room in our place to practice yoga. I tried moving furniture around the living room and managed to create a small space, but it was tough doing the poses while having to watch the instructor on my tablet. And admittedly, I was too lazy to move furniture and back on a regular basis.

Last year, my husband and I signed up for that 4-week intro class, but made it to just the first one. I was too anxious to go the 3 following weeks. A couple of people I know offered to go with me to the regular classes, but I never took them up on it.

I’m too frightened of going: I still can’t do the tree pose; there’s no way I’m wearing just a sports bra, even though my t-shirts hang open during some of the poses; and I don’t own lululemon leggings. The 2 pairs of leggings I do have are capri length, and it’s too cold to wear those now, so I’d have to buy more.

I know these are excuses and my anxiety talking. I’m thinking of going to a gentle yoga class on Mondays, once I’m finished with physical therapy. I want to take the train to the studio by myself, which is another source of anxiety, and not have my husband drive me. It’s something to work towards, anyway.


Photo credit: Towne Post Network via VisualHunt / CC BY

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